Sibs day

Day 11
I missed the fact that it was international siblings day (or whatever it’s called) yesterday. I’ve got 4 of ’em plus the outlaws and they’ve always played an important role in my life.
L has had quite a lot of siblings. Foster siblings, but siblings in every sense of the word. They have all grown up loving and adoring their older brother. Do they care if he’s noisy? Nope. Do they care if he pushes them out of his personal space? Nope. Do they care if he has autism? Not in the least.
So this one is for all the beautiful kids who have been siblings to L. I love your willingness, your ability to see his beautiful, playful soul, your persistence in getting his attention. Most of all I love the love you share.

It’s OK

Here’s a catch up on what’s been happening in my world:

Baby B is 6 months old and happy as a bumble bee in springtime.

It’s springtime.

L has started on medication to help him to focus, stay on task and retain information. It’s helping.

J, at almost 2 & a half is finally starting to talk. He helps me to unload the dishwasher and we name everything as he passes it to me. He strikes a pose as he passes me a ‘bowl’, I strike a pose to receive it and confirm, yes it’s a ‘bowl’, and on it goes.

We miss N very much. A couple of weeks ago we were looking at photos and when J saw one of N – he pointed at it and burst into tears.

Being a kinship carer is a big deal and quite exhausting some days.

L is very interested in the Target logo. He now checks all clothing tags to see if it has the precious logo. He only wants to use the towel with the target tag. When we drive past a shopping centre ‘Target! it’s Target!!’

J is moving to live with his baby brother who I was unable to care for because Baby B was coming my way. So his little brother went to another placement and now, he is moving there so that these two siblings can grow up together.

I’m heartbroken about that. But I know they need to be together.

I have had a relentless schedule of appointments and people coming into my home ALL YEAR! Last week I had 6 appointments, supervised two family contact visits, had professionals/support workers in my home on 5 occasions, and on & on.

I also went out to a gig to see some old friends play and (on another night) to a pyjama party. Going out twice in a week is kinda a big deal these days. But fun too.

 

My mother is helping her younger sister move from hospital into a full care nursing home.

I’m helping to organise my mother’s 80th birthday celebrations next month (better do something about that!).

I’m obsessed with taking photos of clouds. They make me happy.

I’m trying to build a sensory room for L, but I am wracked with indecision as to how exactly I should be going about doing this.

Baby B has the biggest, bluest eyes and a headful of luscious dark hair that goes it’s own way and looks a bit like Elvis in his younger years.

J is into dressing up – big time. He is currently wearing 2 necklaces and a medal which he puts on first thing in the morning. He loves to wear a hat and has a bit of a thing for shoes. And tattoos.

L is still noisemaking and screeching. There’s an unknown neighbour from a block of units a few houses away who yells out ‘shut that kid up!’

Things can get a bit crazy here. I only need to look away for a second or two and…

But we are OK. In fact we are doing well. I’m working on my foster care zen/twigs in a stream/being in the moment and it’s OK.

 

 

 

Eye of the Storm

I am caring for my cousin’s daughter. She is a beautiful bouncing baby who is now almost four months old and has a head full of beautiful, lush hair. In doing so I’ve stepped up to help my family in a way I couldn’t have imagined I would ever be called upon to do. But truth is stranger than fiction (who said that? they were very smart!).

Of course it’s a delight to be caring for this lovely little speck of humanity. Seeing her little face light up and her whole body quivering with the anticipation of cuddles, kisses & loving interaction is food for the soul. She is passionately adored by J, my big 2yo. He leaps to her every need, patting her, putting her dummy/soother back in, tickling her toes, giving her big brotherly hugs and telling me in his own pre-verbal way what I should be doing to make our little darling happy. L (my 6yo with autism) doesn’t really care so much about her, but acknowledges her presence and so long as she doesn’t intrude on his space and needs, then he’s OK for her to hang around.

We are slowly settling into a rhythm and a dynamic that everyone is feeling the benefit of. There’s an awful lot going on around us and life is choc-a-blok, but we are in a good place in the eye of the storm.  It’s calm there.

So Much Things To Say

It’s been a while since I’ve posted but believe me when I tell you, that I have been running non-stop the entire time. Yes even in my sleep. Not that I’m getting much of that!
So here’s a quick catch up via some images.

J had a birthday! He’s now 2 and has developed a very strong interest in shoes.

 

 

It’s school holidays. Two weeks. We haven’t gone anywhere or done anything special. IT’s been raining non-stop. Torture!

This is because Baby B’s contact visits have had me tied up every other day. I’m either zipping over to the other side of town or desperately trying to tidy up my house before her mother, some worker, family or friends arrive to make more mess. So my biggest boy L has been indulging in his most aggravating behaviours of non-stop screaming, turning one every single light in the house (no matter how many times I turn them off, trying to drink liquid soap or disembowelling new boxes of tissues, filling the bath tub to it’s very limit, running away, scratching etc.

He has also been doing a LOT of talking, listening to a LOT of music, doing some very handwriting like squiggles on the magna doodle board, teaching himself to play the Toca Boca Robots game on the ipad (first ‘game’ ever!). He’s also been actually playing with, engaging with and enjoying the company of J – so lovely to see them enjoying each other’s company. Here he is entertaining himself by lining up all the free magazines in the reception area while we wait for baby B’s mother to arrive for her visit. He’s never been a ‘liner upperer’ but it looks like we are heading that way and I’m taking it as a sign of progress. Don’t try to talk me out of it!

 

Actually, I lied. We did do something special. We went to a wonderful exhibition by Tim Sharp at the Brisbane Powerhouse. Such a happy, funny, touching, beautiful and impressive collection of artworks – all featuring Laser Beak Man of course. I had to do a lot of fast talking, using my best powers of persuasion to convince Tim’s mother Judy, that she should allow me to buy one of the works. It wasn’t that she didn’t want me to have it, but that she didn’t want me to BUY it. Judy, Tim & brother Sam are beautiful people who make everything seem more beautiful – and that’s because…

Everything is Beautiful by Tim Sharp

Looking forward to hanging this on one of the walls of my messy house!

 

The Hard Bit

This is the hard bit.
This is the bit that stops most people from becoming foster carers.
Saying goodbye.

I’ve been parenting this little guy for almost three years. He has taught me a lot. Mostly about tractors, motorbikes and garbage trucks, but also a lot about me.

For the last few weeks he has been transitioning out of my care and into the care of his extended family. Transition is now officially over, but he is still coming over one night a week for the next few weeks.

So many things are the same and so many things are different. The dynamic at home is enormously different. When he is here he needs lots of physical closeness and attention. At any moment, he could veer off into emotional chaos. Angry, upset, sad, confused. It’s tough when you are only three and everything you know is changing.

At the same time we are having very special moments. Moments of love, of sharing, remembering. Sweet and precious exchanges.

He has always called me mum but a couple of weeks ago he called me by my first name – Rose. It was an early morning, still sleepy exchange. I smiled at him and asked him if that’s what he’d like to call me now. Not yet, he said.

Water Boy

Tough Day at the Office

I’m feeling weary after today’s efforts. It was challenging but OK till I got the call about a contact visit for one of my little guys. It was on my radar, but I never know until the last minute if his family will show. So I always wait until I get the call before I lock things in.

I got the call. This would be the first time for him to meet his brand new baby brother. They were in the car park when we arrived and as I walked with my two little ones towards the group, I could see mum holding the new baby. I waved at mum and smiled. Before I had even had a chance to say hello, I got a sharp verbal hit from a very angry grandmother who was clearly looking for a target and thought I would do.

The situation is too complicated to go into, but let’s just say there are three beautiful little brothers with three different carers and today was the first time they had met each other. Parents who can’t get themselves together enough to be parents, who keep on having babies when they can’t care for them. Anger, hurt, blame, ignorance, desperation, incarceration, addiction.

It’s all just terribly, exhaustingly sad and today…it got to me.

I’m trying Johnny!

Cupacake Monsters

cupacake monsters

Photo a day in April for autism acceptance

I took these in to N’s day care today. It was for a very special little celebration – his last day at this centre.

On the days that the two little boys are at day care, I have about 45 mins or so in between L (my beautiful ASD 6 year old) coming home and having to go and pick up these guys. I try to make this one on one time with him special. I get him a drink – today he had 2 cups of tea – and a snack and I work on engaging him in conversation. Generally though, there’s only one thing on his mind.

‘Go in car. Get N & J’

So we did just that!

 

 

Circular Motion

Photo a day in April for autism acceptance

My boy has always enjoyed circles & circuits. I have a back deck with two sets of doors opening onto it, one from the kitchen, one from the lounge room. This makes a nice little circuit and all three boys love running round & around, squealing their little heads off! Sometimes I just sit & watch them run past me.
Other times, when I am stressed out and up against some tight timeframe – it’s so incredibly annoying to have this set up. I have been known to chase one or more boys around the circuit, trying to get them to do something or other. It’s a funniest home videos moment, believe me!
My boy is a skinny little redhead. Perpetually on the move holding tight to his trusty green ribbon. This photo pretty much captures that.

TGIF

On Fridays my boy gets to go horse riding. He loves it. He looks forward to it and talks about during the week. He does it through his school (another reason to love this school).
It is an incredibly calm and happy boy who comes home to me on Friday afternoon. Less screaming & noise making, less stimming, more language, more constructive play, sweeter interaction with his brothers, and lots more affection with me.
How good is that? Equine therapy totally rocks! TGIF!!

Tramping

A photo a day for autism acceptance in April (and all the other months too)

All three boys love getting out into the back yard and having a run & jump on the trampoline.
It’s fast, dangerous, crazy & unpredictable but the best thing is that they can do it together.