You Are A Saint

Day 8: Autism Awareness Blogathon

Actually, I’m not. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am most definitely not a saint.

a book I don't have
image credit: Jossey-Bass

From the outside looking in, you may think that I am doing something extraordinary. Actually, I’m not. I’m doing something that lots of people do everyday. It’s called parenting. I’m parenting a few more children than the average bear, but not all at the same time.

I am often asked why I became a foster carer. This is what I tell them:

When I started out as a foster carer I was keen to contribute to my local community. I figured that if I wanted to live in a community that cared about me, then I needed to do something that demonstrated and contributed to the values that are important to me. These days, it’s more about the practical reality of being a foster carer. It’s become part of who I am and how I live and it’s incredibly satisfying despite the challenges.
For those people who think ‘I could never be a foster carer, I’d get too attached to the kids’ I say ask yourself if you’d be willing to care for your brother or sisters children if there was a family crisis? Would you love them despite the hardship of the circumstances? And would you be willing to hand them back to their parents once the crisis was over? Yes, you get attached to these little people who come into your life. You don’t stop loving them because they are no longer in your care. It’s good to know that someone is able to help when there is a need and I am happy to be able to be that person when it comes to the kids in my community.

When I became a foster carer, I knew that there was a likelihood that some, if not all the kids would have ‘special needs’ – you don’t end up in foster care for nothing. But like most parents, having a child with a disability is not usually on your wishlist.

I have travelled a similar road to the one that birth parents do when they learn that their child has a disability – overwhelming love, heartbreak, fear, hope, acceptance.

I also feel lucky. I’m lucky to have these kids in my life. They give me so much that I also tell people that I get far more from fostering than the kids get from me. Of course, I give them everything I can, but they give me so much more.

So I’m actually a selfish, lucky and thankful parent of a child with autism (and a couple of other little darlings as well).

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2 thoughts on “You Are A Saint

  1. Rose it was so good to hear your reasoning for becoming a foster carer! It’s good to give your readers such insight!

    I also thought the questions you would pose to those who couldn’t see themselves as being able to do what you do were outstanding: “. . . ask yourself if you’d be willing to care for your brother or sisters children if there was a family crisis? Would you love them despite the hardship of the circumstances? And would you be willing to hand them back to their parents once the crisis was over?”

    Great job again, Rose!

    • You do get asked a LOT of questions as a foster carer. Usually with every good intention, but some are incredibly personal, followed by the inevitable – ohh I couldn’t do it, etc. So, I’ve been perfecting this response. Of course we get attached and love them so much it hurts and when it’s time for them to move on, it’s painful. But we are the adults, we can be bigger, stronger and kinder than the circumstances. We send them on with our love and an open door policy.

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