The Hard Bit

This is the hard bit.
This is the bit that stops most people from becoming foster carers.
Saying goodbye.

I’ve been parenting this little guy for almost three years. He has taught me a lot. Mostly about tractors, motorbikes and garbage trucks, but also a lot about me.

For the last few weeks he has been transitioning out of my care and into the care of his extended family. Transition is now officially over, but he is still coming over one night a week for the next few weeks.

So many things are the same and so many things are different. The dynamic at home is enormously different. When he is here he needs lots of physical closeness and attention. At any moment, he could veer off into emotional chaos. Angry, upset, sad, confused. It’s tough when you are only three and everything you know is changing.

At the same time we are having very special moments. Moments of love, of sharing, remembering. Sweet and precious exchanges.

He has always called me mum but a couple of weeks ago he called me by my first name – Rose. It was an early morning, still sleepy exchange. I smiled at him and asked him if that’s what he’d like to call me now. Not yet, he said.

Water Boy

Good morning mothers!

Happy Mother’s Day. Just one of my three are with me today, so I’m having a lovely relaxing time with my wonderful friends at the beach.
These photos are for Archie, my favourite surfer!

http://alifeunlimited.wordpress.com/

Tasty

Just a quick snap shot of my little darling – eating up my cucumber, avocado, pomegranate & apple salad! He ate it all.
His autism has him searching for strong flavours & this one hit the spot.
Never assume anything about autism!

Tasty

Just a quick snap shot of my little darling – eating up my cucumber, avocado, pomegranate & apple salad! He ate it all.
His autism has him searching for strong flavours & this one hit the spot.
Never assume anything about autism!

Tough Day at the Office

I’m feeling weary after today’s efforts. It was challenging but OK till I got the call about a contact visit for one of my little guys. It was on my radar, but I never know until the last minute if his family will show. So I always wait until I get the call before I lock things in.

I got the call. This would be the first time for him to meet his brand new baby brother. They were in the car park when we arrived and as I walked with my two little ones towards the group, I could see mum holding the new baby. I waved at mum and smiled. Before I had even had a chance to say hello, I got a sharp verbal hit from a very angry grandmother who was clearly looking for a target and thought I would do.

The situation is too complicated to go into, but let’s just say there are three beautiful little brothers with three different carers and today was the first time they had met each other. Parents who can’t get themselves together enough to be parents, who keep on having babies when they can’t care for them. Anger, hurt, blame, ignorance, desperation, incarceration, addiction.

It’s all just terribly, exhaustingly sad and today…it got to me.

I’m trying Johnny!

Tim

Photo a day in april for autism acceptance

It’s the last day of April. So, my final post in this series.

There are many things that i like about living in Brisbane, Australia. I love that we are not in the biggest or most famous city. I love the architecture, the music scene, the arts community. I LOVE that I live in a city where we have a bridge named after a band (the go betweens).

I especially love that Brisbane is also home to Tim Sharp. Tim is a wonderful artist and also has autism. Tim is so loved by our community here that he was named in our top 50 happy list – for the joy and happiness he brings to so many.

In the first week of April one of his art works was projected up onto one of our beautiful old bridges. It really speaks for itself – it looks absolutely amazing.

Thank you Tim for all that you do for the autism community. You and your incredible family give so much hope and happiness to the autism families here and around the world.

And with that – April is officially over!

Photo credit: Mark Pitt

Hands

Photo a day in april for autism acceptance
In the last few weeks I’ve seen more and more hand biting from my lovely boy. Why? It’s not entirely clear.
From what I’ve read, I need to collect information on when he is doing it, what happens before, during & after. But I can tell you right now he’s doing it all. the. time!!
So often that he has given himself big callouses on his hands. This weekend those callouses have split. This kid has a high pain threshold (obsession with hit things anyone??) So I’m trying to do what I can to care for them while he does what he can to destroy them. So hard to watch.

Swings & Roundabouts

We went to the local school fete today. It’s a big event. My boy doesn’t go there, he goes to the special school, but this is where my niece & nephews went, where friends kids go – it’s a familiar, friendly place.
And it was humming! So many people! It was a bit overwhelming for my big 6yo. He hit the bitumen a few times, needing some warm cuddles and gentle encouragement to push through his anxieties enough to acclimatise to the high levels of sensory input. But he made it.
We stayed long enough to see the baby animals, walk around the various rides, buy a cupcake for N, then have a drink & a sausage with some friends on a perfect autumn day.

Pinchy Playgroup

On Saturday mornings we go to an ASD playgroup. It’s a small but important part of the Australian government’s program of support for children with autism and the families that care for them.

A while ago N who is 3 and neurotypical (NT) started calling it Pinchy Playgroup, because our asd boy L is a bit of a pinchy boy. Not half as pinchy as he used to be, but you know how these things go – a name like that sticks around.

It’s a lot of fun and some days (like today!) it’s just what we need. The boys get to have lots of fun and I get to hang out with some lovely parents.It’s only for a couple of hours, but it makes a nice dent in Saturday morning and the boys are beautifully tired out afterwards.

The playgroup facilitator – Sarah – is an autism mum and has kids all over the spectrum and a few step kids on there as well. Recently she commissioned some of our local aerosol artists to paint her vehicle. Now that’s a bit of autism awareness for you!

the autism awarenessmobile, outside our beautiful little playgroup venue

En Route

Photo a day in April for autism acceptance

I gather the many and varied bags and food and water bottles and shoes, and spare everythings that I need to carry everywhere for my three little boys. I get the actual boys and all this stuff downstairs to the car. Negotiate like a professional to get them all into their appropriate seats and seatbelts. I open the driveway gate, back the car out and head off to whatever our destination may be.

Beforehand I have told them all, but in particular my eldest L (who is 6 and has autism): where we are going, who we will be seeing, what we will be doing, if we are going anywhere else etc. Not all that info is absorbed, though I am surprised how some is and some isn’t. There is often a running commentary from L – go in car, go in car soon, go downstairs, hop in chair, sit down L, seatbelt on, and so on. The phrases he has heard many many times are flowing freely these days.

As we head off there are a few direction options. If we go in one direction, we may be going shopping, another may mean we are visiting Grandma & Grandpa. Recently though, it seems that, depending on the direction we go, L makes an assumption about where we are going. He makes his view known. Screaming and kicking and crying if he thinks I’m going in the wrong direction or taking him somewhere I shouldn’t (like school – he goes to school by bus!).

To me, even though I could do without the aural assault, this is a pretty exciting development. It means he is actually taking note of where we are going. He knows the route we are taking and he can see and comment on landmarks as we go. That is so awesomely cool.

from the car window