The Reason Why

I went up to Darwin last weekend to help celebrate my brother Tom’s 50th birthday. He’s a modest man but has a history of some fairly outrageous and/or hilarious outings. Some of those had to be trotted out as part of the formalities of the evening, just to remind him of that wild young soul who resides deep inside that middle aged, respectable, family focussed, coffee connoisseur.

This is the boy who was Tommy, with Ringo our dog.

Cute little blondie in his homemade shorts

He was taught everything he knows by our sister Lizzie who is only 13 months older than him. Seriously…once she started at school, she sat him down every afternoon and taught him everything she’d learnt that day. But he quickly became a long, lanky streak and Liz would never have the same control over him that she did in that first year of school.

Tom is strong!

Tom was always good at maths and eventually studied economics. Before that though Tom took to the road on his motorbike and rode from Tasmania (down near Antarctica) to Darwin. At one point when I was fanging around the countryside Tom and I decided to ride from Brisbane to Sydney, where I was living.

Tom’s bike (if I remember correctly) was something like a Kawasaki 750. We’d decided, in a moment of brilliance, to leave Brisbane about 7pm and ride through the night for the 10 hours or so it took to get to Sydney. Not one of our better decisions. We shared the riding, but the bike was really too heavy for me. Never the less, off we went into the dark of night. We did OK until sometime after Tamworth when I was riding and Tom on the back kept falling asleep. I remember the helmet he wore banging into my back as he’d drift off. I’d do my best to wake him up by elbowing him violently. Eventually in the light of early dawn we swapped again and took off with Tom riding. Only a little way down the road we blew a tyre. This is not too much fun on a bike and we were lucky in so many ways to survive that moment. I then had to hitch a ride with the tyre into the nearest town, wait for the mechanics to open, get it fixed and hitch back out – extending the trip by another few hours.  We made it by the skin of our teeth. So, so tired.

I took this photo a couple of years later when I and my fellow band mates stayed with Tom in his share house in Brisbane in 1985.

The Uni years, Brisbane

Tom has three kids and a step-son with his partner Lorna. They’ve been together for 22 years now. They are quite social, but don’t throw too many parties these days. This was one for the books. A milestone birthday with people coming in from all over the country to celebrate it with him and his family.

Party preparations were exhausting but ultimately worth it. A sit down dinner for 30 under the swinging lights and the stars in a bushy suburban back yard. Great food, including some pretty amazing cakes. Lots of stories and reminiscences, laughter and fun. One of the best moments was when Tom, in his speech told us how happy he was with his wife & life.

Here’s a couple of my favourite photos of the night.

the cocktail menu

 

Some of Tom’s family

the old and the young(ish)

 

pouring myself a glass of wine

 

party decorations – Tom’s shirt collection

Unaccustomed as I am…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Darwin Weekend

It only took about two months of planning, three separate respite placements, the recruitment and approval of some wonderful friends as kinship carers and the lovely ongoing support of a couple of extended birth families, but I went away for a long weekend – child free!

I had wanted to take the baby up with me, but his birth mother refused permission for him to travel out of the state. So I decided to really enjoy the rare opportunity, get some extra sleep and have some child free fun in the tropics.

Darwin is a 4 hour plane ride away from where I live or a three day drive if you like driving about 12 hours a day. I’ve driven both ways quite a few times over the years. It’s amazing country, desolate and beautiful and a long way between pit stops. I love an epic road trip but I love flying over all that space as well.

The flight route how it used to be – took a bit longer than the direct route we took on a 737
image credit: qantas historical atlas

Darwin is a remote, tropical city. It’s closer to Asia than it is to the southern capitals. It’s the the traditional land of the Larrakia people and a regional centre and home for many Indigenous people from towns and in communities all over the Top End. It’s also very multi-cultural with big, long established Greek and Chinese populations and more recently south east Asian, Papua New Guinea and East Timorese communities.

I’ve lived there on and off over the years. My family moved to Alice Springs (in the centre of Australia) in 1977 and then ended up in Darwin a few years later. All of my family has lived there at one point or another so there’s a lot of memories, friendships and family history up there. It is one of my homes.

One thing we often do when there is a gathering of the clan is to head out to a place called East Point where you can watch the sun set, go for a walk or just enjoy the view and though I have a lot more to tell you about my trip. This is how I’m starting. Sunset at East Point on a Sunday night.

the gathering of the clan

But even better was…

Going…

Going

Gone

Mummy’s Car

Mummy’s car is a bit of a bomb. It’s a generic, utilitarian workhorse to me. But to my 2yo N it’s the best playground around. It’s the most fun you can have in an enclosed space. It’s got so many buttons to press and knobs to twiddle he can barely contain himself.

So now we have to negotiate over how much time we can spend playing the ‘mummy’s car’ game. I try to give him a bit of time by putting him in the car first and then loading up the other kids, bags, pram etc., then putting him in his car seat last. This involves dragging him kicking and screaming from the drivers seat to his seat, holding this wriggling, struggling, amorphous little blob of humanity in place so that I can get his seat belt on while he’s screaming at the top of his voice ‘mummy’s caaaaaaaarrrrrrr! mummy’s caaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrr’.

aday.org 

I was kind of organised to do this. I’d made a note in my calendar to take a photo and upload it. I loved the idea of it – one day on earth. People from around the world all taking photos of their day on that particular day. So I started out trying to get some kind of photo of the four of us – kind of hard when you are the photographer and there’s no extra kid wranglers around. So this is the only shot I got of all of us.

Note the pincer grip L has on my cheek and the elbow to the throat. Nice! He thought it was hilarious. The other boys joined in on some of this action too.

little boys attack mummy

Later that day I’d had a couple of friends over for lunch so I thought I’d try to capture that.

It was kind of fun and it’s always good to catch up with my girlfriends, but the photo was more documentary than art.

So later that day, as we do most days, we were down in the back yard. The kids were playing and I was getting the clothes off the line when…I captured this precious moment. It’s a first. Baby J taking a walk (assisted by L’s old ride on bus). Look at that confident stride! He’s strong as a ox this kid and has thunder thighs of doom, but absolutely, unequivocally a beautiful little soul.

Go baby go!

Anyway the day went by in a flash and I forgot to upload anything…

Mothering Day

Mother’s Day is almost upon us here in Australia. My mother’s day is slightly different to the one most mummies have. It involves cards and presents for the three birth mothers and one grandmother of my kids, plus something for my own mother.

is this what it’s all about?

Most people don’t know this, but it’s really hard to find the right kind of card for a birth mum. All the messages just don’t suit the situation, so I try to stick to the basics – I LOVE YOU – seems to fit the bill the best. That’s because it’s true, even though the kids don’t really know it at this point. It’s also something these mums need to hear.

don’t sit on her!

I get to care for and love these little honeys every day, I get to feel their love, I get their kisses, I get to see them reach their milestones and day by day, to grow up. The least I can do is to be generous to their bio mums on this day.

So I’ve sent off a mothers day package to one mum who is in the big house with lots of photos and a card. I’m taking one of them to see his mum at her detox centre in the morning. I hope this will give her the strength and courage she needs to continue. And my third will be sleeping over at his grandparents and his mum will see him while he is there.

Tomorrow morning I won’t be sad because no one is letting me sleep in or making me breakfast in bed. I’m grateful. I’m thankful. I’m honoured to be a mother to these boys.

One of the very early posts I wrote when I started this blog was called I Can Live With That and this is what I wrote back then:

My 4 year old has autism. He came into my care when he was seven weeks old and the first thing we did together was go to the ophthalmologist where I was told he was totally blind.

We’ve been through a lot together and every Mother’s Day (all four of them), even though he’s supposed to be making me breakfast in bed and bringing me presents that he made himself (yeah, yeah yeah, I know…he’s 4!), I thank him and give him extra special hugs and kisses, because this little boy has made me a mother. He has done what I couldn’t do myself.

Enjoy your Mothering Day mummies. Thank you boys xxx

iRumble in the iJungle

My two little ones are fighting. The 10mo and 2yo are screaming and tousling like it’s the rumble in the jungle, the thriller in Manilla. What could possibly be causing all this fuss?

A toy car? No.

A bottle? Not this time, though a bottle comes into contention at least a couple of times a day.

A box of sultanas? No.

It’s the iPad!

robots win!

I bought it for L of course. I’d read about how wonderful a tool it was for kids on the spectrum, so I got in there with an ipad 1. (seriously, it wasn’t that long ago, how can we be up to 3 already?). It’s kind of embarrassing to admit this but I mostly used it as an ipod for the first few months. I was having problems with getting online, so I just forgot about it for a bit. But the kids got to listen to some beautiful music as they went to sleep each night. I know!!! Am I insane?? Possibly.

Anyway, I did get it together to ring my provider and they sorted it out and after that I did a bit more research and started to look for apps that might interest my boy. He’s still a long way from fluent language. His receptive language is coming along which is incredibly encouraging as it means that brain of his is whirring away in there. So I started off with some early language flash card type apps along with trying a couple of assisted communication style apps.

These would hold his attention for a maximum of about 10 seconds. More like about 2. I know, you’ve got to keep trying. So I have, I do. I also keep looking. Trying lots of different approaches but also going back to keep building familiarity and experience. I’ve got puzzles, games, autism specific apps. I’ve got apps that help with numeracy, apps to help with writing, fine motor, language, memory and even keeping track of progress. I’ve found some great resources and keep finding more. Interestingly, as the little boys get more interested in the ipad, L is hovering around more, wanting to see what is on the screen, smiling, looking to join in.

L prefers traditional methods of communication
Plus you can rip it to shreds after you’ve finished – bonus!

Of course, as things go along, the next in line to the throne – N started talking in earnest earlier this year. In fact his language just exploded – going from a vocab of about 12 words to 100′s in a few weeks. He was just so ready for it. The iPad and all it’s amazing apps has been a big interest for him. He started off with the animal flashcards and now he can knock out a toca boca robot in a matter of seconds. He’s a techno child for sure.

And baby J? Well he is desperate for a bit of ipad/phone action. He knows all about buttons and he desperately wants to push them! He knows there’s fun to be had. I have to say, if I am waiting to see the doctor or just need some peace and quiet, I am ever grateful to those clever people who made this thing. I might even have to get another one!

Top 10 Free Apps for ASD kids from Small But Kinda Mighty

ipad apps and info for special kids a facebook group that rocks

The iMums international women of apps

Smart Apps for Kids reviews, giveaways, free app of the day

ipad apps & resources for people with autism  a comprehensive spreadsheet style resource

Our favourites: (sorry no links but you know where to find them)

Robot Lab

iBaby Buttons

Toddler Jukebox

Magic Piano

Animal Fun

Sound Shaker

Counting with the Very Hungry Caterpillar

Snapshots of my Week

I’m back. I was so happy that I made it to the end of the blogathon. The following week I went through major withdrawals then I felt a bit depressed and had no energy for anything. I’ve just come through a hellish long weekend where L’s behaviours seemed to soar into the stratosphere and now, finally…I have rallied.

So here’s a snap shot of some of the things that have been going on in my world while I was away.

Baby J

I had to run from one room to another to intercept an interaction between my 10 month old boy J and my 5 yo L. I went running down the hallway to find the baby crawling towards me crying. In each hand he was clutching a $50 note. He had been rifling through my wallet (not somewhere you would normally find 2 fifties, but it was a long weekend and I had a babysitter coming!).

J is getting more and more adventurous and as a result is having a few interesting interactions with the other boys. This kid is built like a steam roller! He is already heavier than N (who is 2) and it won’t be long before he starts paying L back for all the pushes away he gets.

Meanwhile – he’s climbing and showing no fear whatsoever. I turn my back and he’s….

Baby J – Adventurer

Baby J – shows no fear

Mr N

There was nothing I could do to prepare him for what he was about to experience. All I could do was make sure he’d had a good sleep, something to eat and drink. I left the other two with the babysitter and we headed off on the bus to our performing arts centre.

There were a LOT of very excited kids there. There was an impressive sized area cordoned off exclusively for pram parking. There were mums and dads shelling out the big bucks at the merch stand. We made out way in and found our seats. After a bit of waiting the music got louder and before we could say ‘hot potato’ The Wiggles were right there in front of us. N was suitably impressed. He enjoyed himself, he clapped, he danced, he pointed his fingers and did the twist and couldn’t believe his eyes as the zealous guys in skivvys made their way into the audience and walked right past us!

It was exhausting to say the least and not just for me. Little N slept very well that night and dreamt of Captain Feathersword and his friendly pirate crew.

The Big Red Car – yay!!!

Wiggles sing Twinke Twinkle Little Star

My Big Boy L

I love him to bits but seriously, he took me to the edge last weekend. He’s escalating in all his obsessive behaviours – opening a shutting doors a million times a day, turning the kettle on whenever possible, playing with the stove, with all the hot water taps and of course the ribbon. He’s climbing the walls, literally. He was in his bedroom for about 2 minutes and when I went to check he was standing on a high cupboard about to take a swinging jump to hang onto the ceiling fan. He was stripping off all clothes countless times a day. He ignored every request, laughing as he ran in the opposite direction at every opportunity. And the screaming, oh please make me temporarily deaf so I don’t have to hear any more screaming.

I did everything I could to exhaust him and get him to a place where he could just relax and have some fun. We went to the park, we went to an indoor play centre so he could do lots of climbing, we went on a little bush walk and went to a wildlife park, we played, we mowed the grass (which he loves), we ran and jumped on the trampoline. I was worn out, but he could have gone another 20 rounds.

We’re off to the doctor to get some advice on the best way forward.

Where is he?

The invisible kid

Me

Next week I’m heading off for four days of child free fun. One of my younger brothers is turning 50, so it’s the gathering of the clan for a shindig in Darwin. I intend to sleep for as many hours as possible, to have a few drinks and see if I can shuffle out of this mood I’m in. Meanwhile, here’s a couple of photos from the early years and one of the super moon over my hometown. May it bring me super powers.

Family & Friends, Townsville 1963

trashing Dad’s work car

Brisbane Super Moon 2012
image credit: themarysue.com

The Finale

Day 30: Autism Awareness Blogathon (Final Post)

I made it! 30 days and 30 posts for autism awareness and acceptance. It has been an amazing experience for me. Most of the time it has been easy. I’ve known what I wanted to write about and the words have just flowed. Other times, it’s been really tough. I’ve fallen asleep and woken up with a startle hoping I have enough time to write and publish before midnight strikes. Some nights the babies just won’t go to sleep, so I’ve been holding them in one arm and doing the fastest one handed typing I could with the other.

My domestic duties have suffered (ummmm where IS that vacuum cleaner??? and I think my mop may have died sometime around mid-April), but I was on a mission and I would not be deterred! I tried to think of the people who read this blog, there’s a very broad mix of folk and many of them have nothing to do with the world of autism. Could I keep them entertained and interested while opening this window on my life? I also worried a bit. Am I now officially the world’s most boring and relentless blogger? Oh no! Not another post from Rose… enough already!

So now that I’ve made it to the end, I want to say thank you. Like any good speech, there’s some people who need to be mentioned. The blogathon has consolidated a group I call my ‘bloggy pals’. They are present and accounted for online. They are all wonderful writers themselves and they seem to get me.

So a heartfelt thanks to:

George from Coalescence. What a faithful and thoughtful friend you are. I know you have read and commented on every single post this month. You have cheered me on, encouraging me to feel that my writing has purpose and meaning to others. You are such a great find.

ProfMomEsq – I can’t quite remember who discovered who, but I am so glad that it happened. I love your heart, your humor and your smarts. You’ve got a way with words and a lot to say that needs to be said.

Thanks Cynthia at That Cynking Feeling for all the shares and the links and especially for the co-blog we did on the senses (yours and mine). That was fun to do.

Sarah at Crazy Antelope and I have a lot in common – 3 boys who are brothers by pure genius luck and brought together by love. Also autism, crazy neighbours, Australians and so much more.

Ruth – my IRL friend and dedicated reader of my blog. I love our late night chats. Thank you for your encouragement, inspiration and big, big heart.

Judy – I feel like you are shining a light in the darkness and beckoning me forward, telling me to be brave, that it’s going to be OK. Thank goodness for you.

For all my lurkers and likers – I know you’re out there and I’m glad that you are. Thank you for reading and for your silent approval. I figure if you didn’t like it, you wouldn’t come back, so thanks for coming back.

Family and friends – you help me laugh through my tears and well up when the good times roll. I may be a single parent, but I couldn’t do it without your love and support.

Officially signing off on the blogathon. Regular services will resume soon.  Here’s some pictures.

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Similar But Different

Day 29: Autism Awareness Blogathon (the penultimate post)

We had a lovely morning in the park today. It was the annual AEIOU fundraiser Paddle For Kids. Even though L no longer attends AEIOU, they still consider us a part of the family.

We needed to get out, after a Saturday of very rainy weather and having to stay indoors, the kids were restless and itching to get outside. It was still quite damp and muddy out and no guarantee it wouldn’t rain on us, but we headed out regardless.

The Paddle for Kids involves some racing on the river by sponsored teams from all the different early intervention centres in the Brisbane region. Our team put on a great show dressing up and ultimately coming last in the final.

The boys had a great time – jumping castle, sausages, cupcakes, running around in the mud and lots of friends who were so happy to see us – especially L’s teachers, learning facilitators and therapists. It was lovely to see and catch up with some of the other families.  The fresh air and running around did us all good.

I had my hands full and despite pulling the camera out several times to get some photos, I didn’t get a single one – hopeless! I will update this post with some photos once they come through from other sources.

While I was standing around the jumping castle waiting for the kids an older woman came up beside me and asked if I had a child with autism. ‘Yes, I do, he’s in there having fun jumping around.’ The woman turned to her left and introduced me to her daughter. I turned around to say hello properly. The woman told me that her daughter also had autism and was now 42 years old.

We had a lovely chat about names and about music as she has a special interest in musicals & films. She was able to reel off a few musicals and films that had characters with my name. Her mother said ‘It doesn’t get easier’. I laughed and said ‘Don’t tell me that!’ I really felt for her though. She had raised her daughter in the years when there were very limited services for the autism community – certainly no fun days in the park where we can gather and celebrate our kids.

A lifetime of togetherness. It’s hard to really imagine. You just have to live it to know it. Then tonight I got a message from another autism mum. Her son is in his 20′s and she has told me many times ‘It gets better’. I chose to believe my friend, but in no way dismiss the woman’s statement this morning. My friend and her son are about to head off on an international holiday – what an adventure!

We are generations of mothers, dealing with similar but different issues, joys and challenges.

Disclaimer – I have no alliance with The Autism File and I’m not really sure what ‘we will win’, also not really a big fan of big soppy anthems, but it fit, so here it is.  

100 Things

Day 28: Autism Awareness Blogathon

The book title is ‘The Experts’ Guide to 100 Things Everyone Should Know How To Do’, the author Samantha Ettus. I’d picked this title up at a bookshop years ago and I thoroughly enjoyed reading through it at the time.

Since then, I’ve often thought of these snippets of expert wisdom as I’ve gone about my daily duties. On occasion I’ve had a jolly good reason to pull this book off the shelf and use it as a reference point – mostly in the cause of making the perfect choc chip cookie.

I came across it again recently and was inspired to have another look through it. Things have changed since I first read it, I’m pretty sure I’d be looking at this info with a slightly different filter, in particular that of a mother of a child with autism. I wondered if these 100 things EVERYONE should know how to do would apply across the board? Could this be the guide to my child’s adult life I’ve been looking for?

Let’s see…

  1. Sleep. Oh yes, yes please! Can we ALL learn how to sleep, tonight if possible. Even better would be to learn how to sleep in, but I will settle for plain old sleep.
  2. Make A Bed. Fair enough, it’s one of those self-care skills.
  3. Do Push Ups & Sit Ups. I never learned this and I wish I had. Keeping your body in good working order has got to be something to aim for.
  4. Jog. Forget it, say no more (sorry runners)
  5. Eat Right. Yes, totally on board with this and feeling like we are on the right path. As an independent skill – this one is a high priority.
  6. Make Eggs. Yeah…it’s a good staple, a source of protein. Everyone should be able to cook eggs.
  7. Brew Coffee. It would depend on whether you are a coffee drinker, but I have a feeling my boy will be. He is mesmerised by the smell of coffee and will drink the dregs of the french press if I accidentally leave it within reach. So yes, a good skill to have even if you are only making it for guests.
  8. Read A Newspaper. Well those days are going, going gone baby. It’s all online. Mind you, my boy really enjoys sitting down with the local paper, languidly turning pages in between sips of hot tea. Not reading mind you, but enjoying the activity none the less.
  9. Wash Your Hair. Definitely, half way there already.
  10. Care For Your Skin. An important thing here in the sub-tropics where skin cancer is a real threat, so yes, yes yes.
  11. Shave. Well, he might end up with a beard if he had to rely on me for this one, so let’s say yes.
  12. Apply lipstick. I hope not. Though lip balm is perfectly acceptable.
  13. Wash Your Hands. Yes indeedy! Tap on, soap, rub, rub, rub, tap off, dry hands. I know the expert has a lot more to say, but I’ll settle for the basics.
  14. Shine Shoes. I’ve done it about 10 times in my entire life and I sincerely hope that my boy doesn’t waste his time learning this one. My rule is…don’t buy shoes that need shining.
  15. Tie a Bow Tie. Seriously, who wrote this? NO
  16. Tie a Windsor Knot. I’m finding it hard to imagine my child in a shirt and tie, but know that on the odd occasion it is a requirement. The Windsor knot? I’d say non-essential.
  17. Tie a Scarf. Yep, stay warm darling!
  18. Drive A Stick Shift. Let’s put it this way: if my precious boy gets his licence fair and square, then let’s focus on the road rules and staying safe, not on stick/auto issues. I’m assuming ability here people!
  19. Manage Your Time. A wonderful, respectful and valued skill. All we’ve got to do is learn how to tell the time first.
  20. Organise. Please. Please help mum to be organised.
  21. Handle a Job Interview. Ooh yeah! That’s a great skill to have.
  22. Ask For a Raise or Promotion. You better believe it.
  23. Give and Receive a Compliment. A wonderful social skill – a definite!
  24. Negotiate. He’s already negotiating like crazy without using much language at all. He’ll be brilliant at this.
  25. Shake Hands. Vital.
  26. Make Conversation. I can’t wait for the day when we start having lovely to and fro conversations. Absolutely.
  27. Remember Names. I am not good at it myself, so I think this would be a great skill for my boy to have. And if this is not something you are good at then, see 26 (minus names).
  28. Read Body Language. Well, its not something that is going to come naturally is it? But, let’s work on it anyway.
  29. Listen. So hard to do right now, but SO important.
  30. Improve Your Vocabulary. The only way is up!
  31. Speed Read. Give me a break. Just reading will be a massive achievement. So – no.
  32. Make An Educated Guess. Actually, I think we’d better just stick to the facts. No guessing please, educated or otherwise.
  33. Tell a Story. A wonderful, charming skill to have. Yes.
  34. Conduct A Background Investigation. I immediately think of ‘The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night’ and ‘Meet The Fokkers’. Let’s steer clear of this mess please.
  35. Deliver Bad News. Something that requires sensitivity and compassion – beautiful qualities I’d love to nurture in my boy.
  36. Apologise. Everyone! Absolutely everyone! 
  37. Speak In Public. Even if it’s just a short sentence or saying thank you.
  38. Balance Your Chequebook. Gone the way of the dinosaurs. Managing your money? Of course!
  39. Save Money. Si! Mucho!
  40. Understand Your Pet. We don’t have one at the moment, but this is a lovely skill to have.
  41. Care For a Houseplant. See 40.
  42. Prepare for A Disaster. Yes. We have a few every now and then where we are, so it’s a part of our lives.
  43. Shovel Snow. No snow to shovel!
  44. Remove a Stain. So long as we get to the point where he can do his own laundry, I’ll be super happy. Stains – phooey!
  45. Do Laundry. See 44.
  46. Iron a Shirt. Haven’t used an iron in quite a while. Not likely.
  47. Sew a Button. Sure, we can do this. Non-essential, but achievable.
  48. Pick Produce. Yes please. Knowing when something is ripe and ready to eat, knowing if it’s past it’s prime. Understanding food. Yes.
  49. Buy fish. Sure.
  50. Paint a Room. Great skill to have, fun too.
  51. Hang a Picture. Still working on that one myself, but yes, I can see that it would be handy to know how.
  52. Write a Personal Note. A dying artform, thoughtfully given, cherished when received. Yes
  53. Make Tea. Haha!! We’re halfway there – he drinks it! That should be good motivation.
  54. Read Aloud. I’ll probably need him to be able to do this at the rate my eyes are going downhill.
  55. Relax. Oh, I would love this. Yes please.
  56. Wash a Car. Even better!
  57. Change a Tyre. Isn’t that why we join our auto clubs?
  58. Change Your Oil. He does love to pour, so I think he’d be great at this.
  59. Mow a Lawn. He loves using his play mower and he’s obsessed with the big mower, so this one is a winner.

    It's a start

  60. Fly a Flag. Not what I would call an essential skill.
  61. Garden. Let’s get grubby!!!
  62. Swing a Golf Club. Hey nonny, nonny NO.
  63. Swim. Yes, yes, yes. Working on that one and making progress.
  64. Hit a Tennis Ball. Maybe. He’s not really good with the hand eye coordination, given his visual impairment, but who knows?
  65. Give a Massage. Let’s say ‘highly unlikely’
  66. Make a Martini. Only if it’s for Mommy Dearest.
  67. Barbecue. Let’s see how we go on that one. He’s a bit obsessed with hot things, so possibly not the best match.
  68. Build a Fire. See 67
  69. Tell a Joke. Backburner…we’ll see!
  70. Be a Gracious Host. Oh but of course.
  71. Be a Good Houseguest. See 36
  72. Arrange Flowers. Seriously? Nope!
  73. Set a Formal Table. Just setting the table will do very nicely thank you.
  74. Uncork a Wine Bottle. No especially not a bottle of champagne with a sabre.
  75. Taste wine. No!
  76. Use Chopsticks. Yes!
  77. Make a Toast. Not make toast. A lovely generous skill to have.
  78. Breathe. Yes, I forget this myself sometimes, so just stopping and breathing – so good for you.
  79. Stay Warm. See 17
  80. Have Good Posture. Yes…don’t end up like me!
  81. Have a Great Smile. Done!
  82. Flirt. Hmmmmmmm! Not so sure. Will have to wait and see.
  83. Ask Someone Out. Yes!
  84. Kiss. Well I’ve taught him the basics, we’ll have to see if we can find the right teacher for the finer points.
  85. Buy A Diamond. I’ve never needed to know how…
  86. Plan a Wedding. Oh gee. Well if he’s like most guys that won’t be too hard.
  87. Change a Diaper. Something every well rounded person should know how to do.
  88. Hold a Baby. It’s a lovely and loving experience, so yes!
  89. Relocate. Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
  90. House Train a Puppy. OK, maybe one day…
  91. Create a Family Tree. It will be an distinctive individually shaped tree.
  92. Decorate a Christmas Tree. Great, then he can teach me.
  93. Bake Chocolate Chip Cookies. I happen to know that this is a seriously good recipe , so this is definitely a skill to have up your sleeve.
  94. Give a Gift.  Yes, something everyone should know how to do.
  95. Wrap a Present. I’m not great at this, so if he gets good at it, this could be an important contribution to the family effort.
  96. Smile for the camera. Done!
  97. Take a Picture. I would love to see the world through his eyes.
  98. Learn a Foreign Language. English is foreign enough to him at the moment, let’s stick to that task.
  99. Plan a Trip. What a fun thing to do together. Or if it was just him, a magical mystery tour.
  100. Pack For a Trip. So long as I can come along Yes!
Well, sorry it’s such a long list, but I couldn’t cut it short. Turns out it’s not a bad set of skills for my boy to have. These are the skills of a well lived life. It’s not everything and there’s plenty of things in there that I could either learn to do or learn to do better.
Any other suggestions?

Lullaby

Day 27: Autism Awareness Month (3 days to go people!)

Warning! There is an image of the Letterstick Band in this post. Members of this band are deceased and this image may cause some family and friends distress. They are remembered here with a lot of love.

Music has always been incredibly important to me and has been a constant theme in my life. From the very early days I could always lose myself in a great song, a beautiful melody and a back beat. I was always sharing music through my playing, singing and hanging out in dives all over the countryside.

As a baby, my boy was sung to, rocked in rhythm and danced around the lounge room. I wanted him to share my love of music, but like most things it didn’t quite pan out the way I thought it would. Instead, I had a highly sensory, sensitive child and music was just that little bit too much for him to take. He did enjoy short musical experiences where he could touch the instruments and feel the vibrations, but very happy to walk away from it as well.

Lately though things are changing. He is taking more notice of music – enjoying it more, but still very sensitive to certain pitches and tones. There are particular songs and themes that can send him into a screaming, crying, ears covered foetal position. There are others that captivate him and make him smile. I even caught him trying to dance (very rare) this morning.

So I’ve been collecting lullabies and gentle music that is soothing and acceptable to him and I thought I’d share a few of our favourites with you.

The Putumayo Dreamland compilations are wonderful. Putumayo are a NYC based label who specialise in world music compilations. They have a great catalogue of quality music for kids from all over the world.

My favorites from this series are Acoustic Dreamland, Celtic Dreamland and the original Dreamland.

Quite a few years ago now I helped them in sourcing an appropriate Australian Indigenous track for their first Dreamland album. The track is from a group who is ‘family’ to me. They no longer play after losing band members to a road accident. I love this song, sung in Barrarra language of the An Barra clan from north west Arnhem land.

‘Yirrana” (sunset) by Letterstick Band

Here’s a beautiful cover of James Taylor’s ‘You Can Close Your Eyes’ by William Fitzsimmons from the Acoustic Dreamland album

There’s some amazing artists doing beautiful albums for children. Justine Clarke is an Australian actress who is making great albums and dvds that kids just love. Here she is singing ‘Creatures of the Rain and Sun’

And of course there’s the artists who just make luscious music that creates a relaxing environment for our kids. Here’s Lior with ‘Secret Little Garden’ (check out  his fabulous website)

And lastly (because I don’t want to use up all my available space in one post) here is a song from an Australian kids show Giggle & Hoot which is screened around bedtime each night. L hates the voices of the characters, but the songs are pretty good and this one in particular is a winner. Sweet Dreams everyone…